Aspie Mom

Very proud

While Friday wasn’t a good day, something good came out of it. Kiddo shut down over a vocabulary test. I’m not sure why. She just got upset because she didn’t know what to do… even though it sounded like she did know. I think she was just tired and over-stressed in general and that’s where it came out.

Anyway, she mentioned that there is this yoga class they have at school. I don’t know anything about it, where it is, when it takes place… but it is sometime during the day. Kiddo told the special ed teacher that she wants to go and try it because it might help make her feel better. The teacher said no… that she had to stay in class. That’s when Kiddo lost it completely.

I just wrote an email to the teacher saying that if this yoga thing is during the day and Kiddo wants to try it, then they should let her. It may be more helpful than anything else and they shouldn’t discourage her from doing it when she came up with the idea for relieving her own stress all by herself.

I am so proud of her for coming up with that idea on her own. She said she remembered that the gym teacher said yoga was a great stress reliever and so she thought maybe it would help her. I can’t wait to bring that up at her social worker appointment today. I’m just so proud of her for that. And if she really is interested, I will even get her a dvd to try at home if she wants to.

Christmas vs. Aspie

Christmas is not a wonderful time of year around this house. Kiddo gets so crazed about the presents that it creates numerous tantrums and meltdowns. Today is one of those days. We are having a fairly small Christmas this year. It is more about quality gifts than quantity. Kiddo, like most kids, goes to a lot of trouble to try and figure out what is in the packages. She figured out one in particular and insists that she should have it now since she already knows what it is. I haven’t told her if she is right or wrong on her guess though but I told her that she had to wait til Christmas. This of course brings forth the tantrums. In response, I calmly told her that if the presents are too much of a temptation, I will put them away until Christmas Eve. This brought on the meltdown.

She started in on how she hates herself and hates who she is. She said she is so selfish and doesn’t listen when I ask her to stop doing something. She just went on and on, crying and screaming and hyperventilating. I could tell that most of this was designed to push my guilt buttons and she was looking for me to give in on the present she wanted so badly. While I was tempted to just let her have it, I refused to cave because I know what that will mean. If I cave on one, she’s just going to want one more. Then another, and another, until they are all gone. I know how she is. Master manipulator.

So… long story short, she eventually stormed upstairs and I got busy putting the presents up on a shelf. I know she has trouble with being patient and I understand her frustrations but she has to learn that just because she has special needs, does not mean she gets whatever she wants all the time. That’s a tricky tight rope to walk. While you want to allow an Aspie a little leeway, you don’t want to make so many allowances for them that they learn to take advantage and expect everything to be handed to them all the time.

I know she will get over this eventually but it may take most of the day if not tomorrow. It can take her quite awhile to move past things she is this upset about.

Changing schools mid year

Changing schools during the year can be hard on any child but it is especially hard on a child with Aspergers. Aspie kids tend to have a very hard time with change as it is. When in the school environment, it is even more difficult for them to adjust because there is just nothing familiar to hold on to.

This year has been and will continue to be very hard on Kiddo. Let’s recap what has happened so far. Before this school year started, we found out they were moving the special ed classes from the school she went to last year, to the school she hated with a passion from the year before that. So she had to switch from a school she was happy and comfortable with to a school she couldn’t stand and that sent her anxiety through the roof.

A week ago, we moved a half hour away onto the military installation. She has to change schools… again. We drove by the school so she could see it and it is huge. This elementary school is bigger than the high school I attended! We have an appointment this morning to get her enrolled. I have to remember to ask about the special education services and make sure that she is placed in the appropriate classroom. The last thing any of us want is for Kiddo to have a complete meltdown because she can’t handle the teaching style of her new teacher. And it very well could happen.

All of this sounds stressful enough, right? Well it gets worse. Last Monday, my husband found out that the Air Force is medically discharging him. He will be separating from the military during the first week of February. You know what that means… Another change in schools. In fact, this could completely destroy her entire year and I’m not sure what to do about it. When he separates, we are moving back to St. Louis where I have family to help us with the transition. That, in itself is a good thing. But all of this change in a very short amount of time, is not. I am worried about how Kiddo is going to handle all of this. Believe me, if there was any way I could stop this from happening right now, I would. Unfortunately, the decision is final. We’ve already tried to appeal it.

All I can really do here is try to make the changes as easy as possible for Kiddo. When I get her enrolled, I will see if she can meet her teacher before she actually starts class and maybe see how to get to her classroom in that monstrosity of a building. I have to admit, I’m a little worried about it all but I haven’t expressed it to Kiddo because I don’t want her anxiety to be made worse by my own.

Change is quite an enemy to an Aspie kid. Its times like these that make me wonder if I really should home school her. The only issue there is that after we move to St. Louis, I’m going to have to go to work full time. There won’t be a choice.

Rollercoaster Ride

As it typically happens, there are good days when dealing with school issues and then there are not quite so good days. Kiddo is having issues. She is having more and more trouble concentrating in the mainstream class. She is having a hard time understanding the work too. I know she is capable of doing the work but for whatever the reason is, she doesn’t think she can.

As I have posted, I have asked about moving her back to the special ed class for at least part of the day. Even if it is just for math. But the teacher pushes to keep her in mainstream because she knows Kiddo can do it. But then I get notes home about how she refuses to work or pay attention. Well DUH! That is because she can’t function in there.

This whole mess is the school’s fault. If everything would have remained the same and Kiddo was still at the other school, she would more than likely be fine. But they had to move the special ed to the school that she hated more than anything else on this earth and then they dismissed my concerns about it saying, “Oh, it will be fine.” Yeah… right. Well, here comes the big “I TOLD YOU SO!” She is not fine. She can’t focus in class. She can’t follow directions. She can’t retain information. You can show her how to do a math problem and five minutes later she is clueless. It isn’t working.

The big problem is that I don’t hear anything from anyone in the special ed department. Not one word. She may be mainstream but she has an IEP and is to be receiving services. No one other than her classroom teacher has said a word to me about anything. I am unhappy with this situation… as is Kiddo.

Therefore, I wrote the teacher a note today to tell her that I am requesting a CSE meeting. I want a formal meeting so that I can find out just what is going on and why no one is making any effort to help my daughter manage at school. This is my final straw. If I don’t like what I hear, I’m going to be looking at Homeschooling. I won’t continue with this mess. They screwed her up and they are going to fix this whether they like it or not. She has a right to services and she is going to get them one way or another!

Speaking to the class

In a couple of weeks or so, I will be going to Kiddo’s school and speaking to her class about Asperger’s Syndrome. The teacher and I have been talking and both think it would be a good idea to explain things to the class so that they can hopefully try to understand Kiddo a bit better and not be so mean to her or intolerant of her. Maybe it will help, maybe not but it is worth a try. And it is something I have been considering for awhile anyway.

While I have a petrifying fear of public speaking, I am looking forward to this. Kiddo is looking forward to it as well. When I first asked her how she would feel about me speaking to the class, she was jumping for joy. She was that happy. She wants them to understand why she is the way she is. I just hope it helps — even if it is only minimal.

I have two different books about Asperger’s that are written more for kids to follow. One of these books is Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome This book is written from the perspective of a young child and is perfect for kids between the ages of 7 - 15. It is a great tool for classroom discussions!

The other book is This Is Asperger Syndrome. This is a short book and not nearly as detailed as the first but it gives simple examples of Asperger symptoms.

I also have a dvd on order that is designed for classroom use. It is called Intricate Minds II and contains interviews with kids ages 8-12 who describe what it is like to have Asperger’s. It talks about their positive qualities and contains demonstrations to help classmates see things from an Aspie’s point of view. I can’t wait to get it.